racing against sunbeams

I’ve been feeling somewhat melancholic lately, partly due to self-created dilemmas (“It’s you against you,” as one very good friend pointed out) and partly due to health problems besetting some people important to me.

Someone whom I love very, very dearly might be dying. I don’t want to put in specifics because the situation has not been made known to some people who might stumble upon this blog, but suffice it to say that there’s not much we can do anymore except hope for a miracle.

And then a few hours ago I learned that one of my best friends is confined in a hospital, where the friend is set to undergo a series of examinations. I’m itching to go there and visit, but I can’t as of the moment, so right now I’m just hoping my friend wouldn’t have to stay there all throughout Holy Week.

Right now my mind is wrapped around the same thought that kept on repeating itself in my head during my grandfather’s wake nearly two months ago–that some people, unfortunately, get what they don’t deserve.

I’m aware of how cynical this sounds, but sometimes it just doesn’t pay to be good. That doesn’t mean, of course, that I’ll go around screwing everyone’s lives– I’m just more aware now that nobody’s spared from misfortune, no matter how much you tried to avoid being a bitch or an asshole.